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Young Mary Murphy
Young Mary Murphy was on her very first day as a teacher in a Dublin inner-city classroom, full of enthusiasm and eager to impart knowledge to her Primary School pupils.
"Now, boys and girls, pay attention, today we're going to learn about the alphabet.
Does anyone know what the first letter of the alphabet is?"
Nigella, class swot number 1, pipes up, "A", Miss.
Teacher: "Very good, Nigella, now can you tell me a word beginning with the letter A?"
Nigella: "Apple", Miss!"
Teacher: "Excellent, anyone else got another example?"
In the back row, Little Johnny shouts out, "Miss, Miss, ARSE, that begins with A"
Teacher: "No, no, that's a very bold word, Johnny" Let's pass on to the letter B".
Class swot number 2 Patricia, squeals, "Beautiful, like you Miss"
Teacher: "Excellent, Patricia, thank you AND an adjective as well"
Johnny: "I-I-I've got one Miss, errrrrrm, bollocks!"
Teacher:"Now stop that Johnny, that is a very vulgar word"
Teacher:"Now, let's try a C word"
Martin, the class four-eyes: "Eh, cow, Miss, that begins with C"
Teacher: "Great answer, Martin"
Johnny:"Miss, I've a better C word.....cunt, Miss"
Teacher:"Mockser, I'm warning you now, NO MORE". Right, onto D words now"
Nigella: "D starts the word dumpling, Miss"
Teacher: "Terrific, Nigella, any more D words."
Patricia: "Dublin, Miss"
Teacher:"Very apt, Patricia, given that we live here" Any more examples?"
Johnny:"Miss, Miss, I swear, I've got a nice word with a D starting it"
Teacher: You're on your final warning, Johnny - what is it?"
Johnny:"Dwarf, Miss - that's a D word"
Teacher:"Whew, very good, Johnny and what is a dwarf?"
Johnny:"It's a little cunt with a big arse and a small bollocks"
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