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Guide to Darkest Essex

An invaluable guide for those of you that venture to darkest Essex

alma chizzit - A request to find the cost of an item

amant - Quantity; sum total ('Thez a yuge amant of mud in Saffend')

assband - Unable to leave the house because of illness, disability etc

awss - A four legged animal, on which money is won, or more likely lost ('That awss ya tipped cost me a fiver t'day')

branna - More brown than on a previous occasion ('Ere, Trace, ya look branna today, ave you been on sunbed?')

cort a panda - A rather large hamburger

Dan in the maff - Unhappy ('Wossmatta, Trace, ya look a bit Dan in the maff')

eye-eels - Women's shoes

Furrock - The location of Lakeside Shopping Centre

garrij - A building where a car is kept or repaired(Trace: 'Oi, Darren, I fink the motah needs at go in the garrij cos it aint working proper')

Ibeefa - Balaeric holiday island

lafarjik - Lacking in energy ('I feel all lafarjik')

OI OI! - Traditional greeting. Often heard from the doorway of pubs or during banging dance tunes at clubs

paipa - The Sun, The Mirror or The Sport

reband - The period of recovery and emotional turmoil after rejection by a lover ('I couldn't elp it, I wuz on the reband from Craig')

Saffend - Essex coastal resort boasting the longest pleasure pier in the world. The place where the characters from TV's, popular soap opera, Eastenders go on holiday

tan - The city of London, the big smoke

webbats - Querying the location something or someone is. ('Webbats is me dole card Trace? I've gotta sign on in arf hour')

wonnid - Desired, needed. 2. Wanted by the police

zaggerate - To suggest that something is bigger or better than it actually is. ('I told ya a fazzand times already')


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